The Crow: Wicked Prayer
directed by Lance Mungia
(Dimension, 2005)

I had no real desire to watch this movie. I saw the original Crow movie years ago and, although it was a darn good movie with a great soundtrack, I have never gotten around to watching any of the sequels. Then I saw all the comments about how awful this film is, and I just had to go ahead and watch it. Just the fact that Tara Reid is in it is pretty much the kiss of death, and -- to no one's surprise -- Tara proves once again that she can't act a lick.

The real mystery here, though, is why on earth David Boreanaz signed on to this film. It's not like his career is teetering on the edge; this must have come along before the offer to star in TV's Bones, or maybe he just got drunk one night and signed the deal without knowing what he was doing. I suspect, though, he just wanted the chance to play an unambiguously evil character. For awhile, it looked like he might come out of this relatively unscathed, then he made a complete fool of himself in the movie's final scenes, taking atrocious dialogue and actually making it worse than it already was. Dennis Hopper's appearance, I can understand. He seems to jump at any chance for a cameo, especially if the character is a spaced-out loony. Ah, but what of the Crow himself, Edward Furlong? I'm sorry, but old Eddie makes for the least intimidating Crow of all time. He looks like a Culture Club reject who could be blown away at any time from a stray puff of wind.

We all know the story. A guy gets murdered, and the proverbial crow, rather than taking his soul on to wherever, restores him to life (or unlife) long enough for him to exact revenge on those who killed him (and, more importantly, killed his woman). Jimmy Cuervo (Furlong) made the mistake of falling in love with an Indian girl, and that doesn't go over well on the reservation. In fact, it leads to a necktie party for two arranged by an escaped con and his gang of Satanic cult tag-alongs. Luc Crash (Boreanaz) isn't just an evil guy; he has designs on the role of AntiChrist. He also has the ultimate trashy girlfriend in Lola Byrne (Tara Reid). Anyway, he and his gang of Four Horsemen go around committing mass murder without the cops even noticing, while Eddie (now the Crow) slithers around and gets his butt kicked on a routine basis. Then we get into some increasingly silly business with devil worshipping, spell-casting, virgin-sacrificing, Satanic mumbojumbo that gives us -- who else -- but Satan himself. And, wouldn't you know it, Satan fancies himself quite a standup comedian. (Why do they always portray Satan in such a ridiculous way?) Trite, trite, trite -- and silly.

Maybe a halfway impressive Crow could have salvaged something from this movie, but I doubt it. I just don't see Crow enthusiasts (or anyone else, for that matter) getting anything out of this movie at all. The Crow: Wicked Prayer is just like Tara Reid -- hopelessly confused and increasingly unappealing.

by Daniel Jolley
21 January 2006

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