Having read some of the chatter on Troll 2, I put it on my Netflix queue figuring it's gonna be bad, but won't be a match for Plan 9 from Outer Space, my favorite piece of golden garbage. I was wrong.

Troll 2 is not just bad, it's a total embarrassment to everyone involved. It's a fail of such epic proportions I actually wished I had a time machine so I could go back to when this was made and run onto the set swinging a baseball bat yelling, "Stop doing this! Go home!"

Words fail me, but let me just describe one scene. A woman dressed like Elvira shows up at an RV in the woods. The guy inside sees her approaching ... on TV. She's carrying an ear of corn. He steps out of the RV and she starts vamping it up, showing her garter belt, licking her lips, etc. The camera zooms in on her ample cleavage. She tucks the corn into her belt and they go inside. She shoves him down on a sofa and crouches over him, waving the corn. "Aren't you hungry?" she asks. "I like popcorn," he says. She then puts the corn in her mouth and presses it against his mouth and says with a leer, "Then let's ... heat it up!" Immediately, buckets of popcorn are flying around the room.

It's a double-decker baloney sandwich, indeed.

Everything about this movie screams cheap, stupid and amateur. Not a single line of dialogue rises above idiotic, the characters act by bugging their eyes out and the little trolls or goblins or whatever the hell they are can barely move inside their Teletubby costumes. It's capped with an ending of such jaw-dropping bad taste that you will fall on the floor laughing, especially when you hear the kid's final line and the reply it gets.

Don't miss it.