Donna Marie Williams,
Sensual Celibacy
(Fireside, 1999)


Sensual Celibacy is a book for "earthy women," as author Donna Marie Williams describes herself. These are passionate, lascivious women who know what they're giving up by using sexual abstinence to break the downward spiral of repeating bad relationship choices.

Williams writes from her heart and personal experiences rather than from extensive scientific evidence, though she does cite Shere Hite and Ann Landers among her sources. To validate the celibacy concept, she presents several worthy concepts. First among her self-help truths is that many women, because of their values and backgrounds, need to feel "in love" with men. If a woman invites a man literally into her body, she accepts "his energy, his essence" (which is not necessarily the way he's regarding the situation). Another is that women may sometimes "use sex to keep a man," which is both manipulative and frequently ineffective.

Williams proposes that women commit to a period of celibacy of at least six months to rediscover their own passions and to establish true intimacy within a new relationship if one develops. Sensual Celibacy serves as a workbook with probing questions and planning guides to navigate the 10-step process from beginning decisively to eventually choosing a non-celibate lifestyle once again. While occasional drifting into a "save it for the ring" mentality, the emphasis of the text is on personal choice.

While some of the writing is redundant, as self-help books are inclined to be, the language is easy to understand and sprinkled with enough anecdotes to hold the skeptical reader's attention. Williams becomes a supportive girlfriend, exposing her own love-induced wounds, maintaining a sense of humor and offering hope. She also tackles the spiritual aspects of this guide without preachiness, and the seeming oxymoron of sensual celibacy with graceful suggestions for a vibrant single lifestyle.

Obviously, this book is targeted at a specific audience, written for a limited segment of the female population. It's perfect for a woman grieving the end of a relationship, but all "earthy women" who read it should find at least a few jewels toward a happier, healthier life.




Rambles.NET
book review by
Julie Bowerman


30 May 2001


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