If you've ever visited Canada, or even if you live there, How to Be a Canadian is essential reading.

The Ferguson brothers have applied their wicked senses of humor and as little actual research as possible into compiling the authoritative volume on Canadian people, place and culture.

In this book, inspired (according to the introduction) by Margaret Atwood, you'll learn about government, currency, size ("Everything is very big in Canada, from the size of the deficit to the girth of Canadian buttocks"), history and climate. There are sections devoted to Canadian dialects and language quirks ("Eh?"), Canadian fashion, hair styles, and driving tactics as differentiated by region. There are pocket summaries of each province and its idiosyncracies -- cunningly written to offend Canadians from all provinces equally.

For all its tourist-brochure-encoded imagery of majestic mountains and rugged malamutes, Canada is a hopelessly middle-class, suburban nation whose average citizens couldn't pick a moose out of a police lineup. If Canadian society were an actor, it would be described as having "bland good looks." The Kevin Costner of nations, that's us.

Explore with the Fergusons the wonders of Canadian cuisine (deep-fried, sugary and both) and the national pride in brewing better beer than Americans. Delve into the degradation of Canadian athletics and find out what replaced hockey as the national sport. Learn about the Canadian contribution to world romance and why you should never trust Will around a canoe. And be sure to read all the footnotes, like Ian apparently did not.

Learn the feelings of most Canadians towards Toronto, and the feelings of all Canadians towards America. And why.

While plainly written as humor, this book actually lays bare a great deal of the Canadian psyche -- no doubt, an accidental byproduct of the Fergusons' wit. Whether you live in Canada, visit it often or just know vague rumors of its existence somewhere north of Chicago, you should certainly give How to Be a Canadian a careful, laughter-inducing read.

[ by Tom Knapp ]
Rambles: 30 May 2002