Melinda Long,
Pirates Don't Change Diapers,
illustrated by David Shannon
(Harcourt, 2007)

Tom takes a nostalgic look back at some of the children's books that, with great regret, he is allowing his almost-teen twins to discard from their bookshelves, in the hope that some other children may enjoy them as much as his kids did, back in the day....

When the twins were younger, I read to them almost every night.

Don't get me wrong, my wife read to them, too. But, for all her wonderful qualities, she didn't have the same knack for storytelling. She doesn't do the voices nor get ever so dramatic, as is sometimes required when narrating a children's book. And believe me, I could emote when the story called for it.

Three books that the twins enjoyed hearing repeatedly were pirate-themed stories. Because, you know, pirate voices are fun to do, and they make children laugh.

The books in question are How I Became a Pirate and Pirates Don't Change Diapers, both written by Melinda Long and illustrated by David Shannon, and I Love My Pirate Papa, written by Laura Leuck and illustrated by Kyle M. Stone.

I Love My Pirate Papa has a rougher artistic style. The story is written in simple verse, beginning:

I love my pirate papa!
He's the bravest buccaneer.
He helps me put my earring on
and buckles up my gear.

It's short and sweet, a quick bedtime read that overlooks the brutal nature of piracy to focus instead on the love between a father and a son.

How I Became a Pirate is in a story format. The art, while still cartoony, is more realistic than Pirate Papa. It tells the tale of Jeremy Jacob, enjoying a day on the beach with his family, when a band of pirates led by Capt. Braid Beard come ashore looking for the Spanish Main. (They're off course.) Spying Jeremy's sand castle, they decide they can use his skill with a shovel to help them bury their treasure. They take him away on their ship -- the book doesn't mention if his parents notice his absence -- and have a brief adventure.

There was plenty to do on board. The pirates taught me to sing sea chanteys -- the louder, the better. And to say real pirate stuff like "landlubber" and "scurvy dog." By dinnertime, I could speak pirate perfectly.

The adventure is cut short by a sudden storm, and Jeremy convinces the pirates to turn around and bury the loot in his own backyard. And then, he's off to soccer practice.

Pirates Don't Change Diapers is the sequel. Jeremy is home with his baby sister, Bonney Anne, when Braid Beard and his crew return for their treasure. Unfortunately, they wake the baby, and the pirates have to babysit until she quiets down again.

"Aargh!" hollered Braid Beard. What be that caterwaulin'?"
"That's Bonney Anne," I said, "and I'm supposed to keep her quiet. You'll have to help me babysit."
"Babysit?" Braid Beard scratched his head. "Pirates don't sit on babies!"
"No sittin' on babies!" hollered the crew.

They're all pretty simple books, but they're perfect bedtime reading for kids who like pirates and enjoy pirate voices. I have a lot of good memories of those evening reading sessions!