You would be hard pressed to find a horror film more ineptly made than this one. The Slaughterhouse Massacre is embarrassingly wretched from start to finish, spilling even more cliches than blood. The stupidity of the whole thing is actually a little hard to believe; you would think even the most amateurish of filmmakers would do one thing right, just by accident, but not these guys. If there's a human being walking around on this earth that could actually take any enjoyment from this movie, I sincerely hope I never meet him.

The movie starts out with a hot and bothered young blonde begging her boyfriend to take her to the slaughterhouse because nothing turns her on more than the blood and stench of poor slaughtered animals. You can guess what happens. Then, things get confusing because another murder is mentioned, one which led a group of guys to come and murder the suspect, Marty Sickle. The killer's body was never found, though, so the legend is that you can bring Sickle back to life if you go to the slaughterhouse and recite a silly little poem.

Enter our main characters: Justin, the incredibly stupid football jock, and Stacey, the reasonably hot chick who loves him (despite the fact he isn't exactly faithful to her), Justin's even dumber sidekick Bobby, and Bobby's girlfriend Tina (who actually thinks going to the slaughterhouse and trying to raise a dead killer back to life sounds like fun). Potential viewers, prepare for your mind to be rotted by egregious overacting in a college classroom, the lamest college party in history, characters so one-dimensional and annoying you would actually consider killing them yourself, incredibly bad special effects, and a killer lacking any presence whatsoever.

All of the available evidence suggests that no thought whatsoever went into the making of this movie. Seriously, the sickle-wielding killer is named Marty Sickle, and there's a pothead character named Stoner. Then there's the fact that this slaughterhouse, which has been abandoned for 10 long years, still has electricity. Oh, and did you know that animal blood doesn't dry up at all if you keep it in an open bucket for 10 years? Or that you should make as much noise as possible when trying to hide from a deranged killer? Or that an unconscious person with a bum leg can still walk as long as someone holds on to her?

Believe me -- I haven't even begun to plumb the inept stupidity of this movie. The Slaughterhouse Massacre is an utter travesty of a horror movie. I would rather be a cow in a slaughterhouse than to have to watch this tripe again.