Any self-respecting quest to seek out the worst movie ever made must go through Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast at some point. While this isn't the worst movie I've ever seen, it is bad -- really, really bad. But, heck, you know that already based solely on the title.

Now don't go picturing deep Arctic snowdrifts in your head -- this ancient snow beast, despite its significant size, somehow swims beneath two or three inches of snow on the ground. Even the rapidly decreasing hick population of the town doesn't believe in the snow shark, despite the fact that a local teenager claimed he shot and killed one 12 years earlier. The evidence was destroyed in a fire, you see. Nothing kills tourism like wild stories about snow sharks.

It all started with an earthquake (presumably, that awoke the prehistoric shark from his millennia-long nap). Soon after, a scientific team came to investigate why all of the local forest animals seemed to have disappeared -- and disappeared themselves. Now, 12 years have passed, and the snow shark is back. The mayor calls in a biologist, a cryptozoologist and a famed hunter to find and neutralize whatever is killing local citizens on a daily basis. Locals ammo up and go on the hunt themselves.

Yes, there will be blood -- lots and lots of fake blood strewn across the snow.

I can't point to any positive aspect of this film. All of the outdoors scenes look like they were filmed in somebody's back yard. The acting is just horrible all across the board -- which may be for the best given the fact that the script and dialogue is so stilted and abysmal. You can't look forward to the shark attacks, either -- they usually just amount to somehow hollering as "blood" is thrown across the camera lens.

On the occasions when we do get to see more than the fin of the shark, you end up wishing you could have just left it to your imagination because it's not impressive in the least. Even the scene with a couple of topless women coming out of a jacuzzi is hard to watch -- frankly, I found the shark more attractive. Unless you are determined to seek out the very worst movies ever made, just leave Snow Shark alone.