Elizabeth Barrial & D.H. Altair,
Vampires Don't Sleep Alone: Your Guide to Meeting, Dating & Seducing a Vampire
(Ulysses, 2010)

Let's go with the supposition that vampires are real, and that the reality of vampires is closer to Anne Rice's Lestat and Stephanie Meyer's Edward than the more classic icons of Nosferatu and Dracula.

And let's suppose you're a teenage girl and, like, the coolest thing ever would be to have a vampire boyfriend to sweep you away in timeless passion and make you his eternal lifemate.

If that's the case, than Vampires Don't Sleep Alone should be at the top of your must-read list.

Vampires Don't Sleep Alone, by Elizabeth Barrial and D.H. Altair (the pseudonym of author Del Howison), attempts to be a serious guide for dating the modern bloodsucking fiend. Barrial and Altair have, so far as I can tell, had a great deal of fun cherrypicking certain aspects of vampire lore, discarding others and making up a few of their own to create a template for the dangerous but sexy and totally worth it vampire beau.

(The book pays lip service to male readers who might be seeking a lush vampire hottie, but the text is primarily keyed to the female reader.)

There are missteps along the way. For instance, the authors tell us in one chapter that vampires have a super healing ability, then elsewhere tell us sun exposure is fatal to vampires (not cataclysmically, but over time) because their dead cells cannot repair themselves. Also, they assure their giggling readers that vampires are necessarily expert lovers simply because they've lived a long time. Sorry, but I'm not sure we can assume even centuries of living will turn a Shemp into anything but a long-lived Shemp. (Their argument that vampires are exceptionally wise for the same reason is likewise invalid.)

But let's be real. This book isn't intended for scholars of vampire lore. It's for youngsters who want to be Bella to Edward, Buffy to Angel (or Spike, your pick), and to that extent, it succeeds.

Vampires Don't Sleep Alone is lively and entertaining, a fun addition to its niche market.

book review by
Tom Knapp

18 December 2010

Agree? Disagree?
Send us your opinions!

what's new