Adam Selzer,
I Kissed a Zombie, and I Liked It
(Delacorte, 2010)


Sometimes, my dedication to reviewing has led me to read or listen to some truly strange things that wouldn't normally fall within my wheelhouse. This one is about a teenage girl named Algonquin who goes to a high school in Des Moines with vampires, werewolves and even some normal kids in a society where the undead are out and proud. Algonquin -- or Alley, or Gonk, or Quinn, depending on her mood at the time -- is snarky, and she's cocky about being snarky. She looks down on all things goth, she likes to hook up with boys but doesn't get emotionally involved, and she accidentally falls in love with a zombie who likes to work with his hands and who sings Leonard Cohen and Cole Porter songs.

The book is I Kissed a Zombie, and I Liked It by Adam Selzer ... obviously playing off the Katy Perry song that had come out two years prior to the book's publication.

In Alley's world, vampires and werewolves have always existed but they don't hurt people. Selzer glosses over the science on page 3, just to get it out of the way; vampires for instance don't drink blood because there's "some kind of vegetable compound that's more satisfying and easier to get," and they get their supernatural powers from "something to do with protein mutation or something." The undead came out of the closet, so to speak, after a Walmart clone corporation created zombies as an inexpensive workforce, and everyone got up in arms over undead rights.

Selzer plays it like a surprise when dreamy Doug turns out to be a zombie nearly halfway through the book. Of course, any reader paying attention already knew that because of the title, and I'm kind of surprised that Alley missed the signs.

Being a teen-centered book means our protagonists are concerned with teenage things, like mean girls, making fun of other teens, and the prom. Alley, who has been around, finds out early in the relationship that zombie innards don't work enough to let them have sex, a fact that disappoints her greatly. Fortunately, she is for the time being content with the kissing, and she almost immediately starts pondering the prospects of being turned into a zombie herself. Yes, that basically means committing suicide or letting herself be killed so she can be transformed into a "post-human" state. It doesn't help that her school has an undead guidance counselor who pressures Alley to convert, although the counselor thinks vampirism is a better option than being zombified. Of course, being a vampire herself, she might be biased.

In this world, zombies are mostly fairly dumb unless they were turned almost immediately after death (which Doug was) and vampires are mostly harmless but seem to be jerks somewhat universally. (The book even mocks the Twilight trope of hundred-year-old vampires going to high school to meet girls.)

What is mostly a light-hearted romp through the minor perils of high school switches gears near the end, when there is suddenly a wave of mindless, brain-hungry zombies on the loose. The tone feels off, and no one ever really seems to be in danger, although everyone is screaming, cops are firing their guns, and Doug and a couple of vampires are suddenly fighting for their lives.

I'm not really sure what tone Selzer was going for here. I half think he just liked the song title and thought he could make a play on words to cash in on the romantic undead hype. Most of the book is amusing but dull; the final act is jarring but lacks tension, and the finale is abrupt and unsatisfying.

There's a reason I don't usually read books like this. Some teens might like it, but I'm in no hurry to recommend it to anyone -- if for no other reason than the protagonist's casual attitude toward suicide, even if she does see sense by the end.

[ visit the author's website ]




Rambles.NET
book review by
Tom Knapp


4 November 2023


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