The only thing more shocking than the complete and utter putridity of this film is the fact that there was actually a Hobgoblins 2, although I'm pretty sure no one actually saw the sequel -- certainly not anyone who had suffered through the original. The fact that it took director (and I use that term loosely) Rick Sloane 20 years to scrape up the money for the sequel tells you something, especially given the fact that he apparently made Hobgoblins in 1987 with the loose change he found stuffed in his couch.

Hobgoblins should be hilariously bad -- you've got grown people wrestling with hand puppets, for Pete's sake -- but it's not. It's just bad -- really, really bad. Head-shakingly stupid, in fact. The Mystery Science Theater 3000 treatment is really the only way to go here -- no one should watch the original movie all by itself.

For Kevin (Tom Bartlett), our dope of a hero, getting a job as an assistant security guard at an abandoned movie lot actually qualifies as a step up in the world, but it still isn't enough to impress his whiny prude of a girlfriend -- nor is a rousing match of rake fighting against his military pal Nick (who, unless I miss my guess, couldn't even spell "army" if his life depended on it). If only something would happen in his miserably boring life, something that would give him a chance to prove his manhood. Unfortunately, nothing of the kind takes place. Instead, Kevin finds himself trying to capture a bunch of hand puppets (I mean hobgoblins) he accidentally released from a vault on the studio lot.

Old man McCreedy (Jeffrey Culver) has spent the past 30 years guarding these furry creatures that came from outer space to make people live out their dumbest fantasies and then kill them for no apparent reason, only to have Kevin ruin everything on his very first night. Personally, I don't think Kevin should get all of the blame, given the fact that McCreedy apparently never thought to actually lock the vault holding the hobgoblins at some point over all those years.

Before the night is over, Kevin and his friends will have all gone toe to hairy toe with miniature hand puppets, the worst of 1980s fashion will be put on display, a moderately attractive woman will perform the worst striptease in history, and many other things far too stupid to mention will have taken place.

Hobgoblins won't make you gouge your own eyes out in agony, but it's truly an embarrassingly bad movie. I could tell you more, but I really don't want to relive all the worst moments of Hobgoblins over again in my head. You'll have to look long and hard to find another movie as stupid as this one.